What if someone could watch you interact with your spouse for 15 minutes and predict with an average accuracy of 91% whether you would still be married in seven years? John Gottman’s research, lasting more than 40 years, has identified behaviors that permit such a prediction. BUT — It gets better! Gottman’s method has a higher rate of saving troubled marriages than any other type of therapy. It is a proven way to improve your relationship, even if you are thinking about divorce. If you really want to save your marriage, Gottman Method couples counseling can work for you!
Call or Text (208) 206-3860 for Equine Assisted Therapy with Terri Fisher at Fireproof Counseling!
Couples counseling, using Gottman Method couples counseling, is one of my certified specialties. Some common obstacles to a good relationship are infidelity, financial problems, anger, and other life changes. Research shows that simply improving your communication or problem-solving skills does not improve your relationship. Gottman Method couples counseling, however, helps you master the seven skills that do lead to a successful relationship. It has the best track record of any counseling method in improving your relationship. The Gottman method can even rescue a marriage from divorce.
Happily married couples are not smarter, richer, or more psychologically aware than couples who are not happy. They simply know how to keep their negative thoughts and feelings about each other (which all couples have) from overwhelming their positive ones. You can do it too! There are principles you can learn through Gottman Method couples counseling to have a successful, happy relationship.
Unfortunately, there are many myths about what makes a relationship work. Some of them are even embraced by counselors who do not specialize in couple relationships. Here are just a few of the popular myths identified by John Gottman:
Myth #1 — Personal problems ruin marriages. Research shows there is a very weak connection between personal problems and failed marriages. We all have issues. They don’t necessarily interfere with a good relationship. Severe mental illness, however, is another matter. I can help with that, too, through individual therapy.
Myth #2 — Common interests will keep you together. That all depends. If you and your spouse both like house renovating, but he is continually telling you that you are using the wrong tool, or doing something the wrong way, or that a mistake is all your fault, this common interest is not helping your relationship.
Myth #3 — “I will respond positively if you do.” This works like a contract. You commit to doing something nice for your spouse each time she does something nice for you. If you are treating your marriage like a bank statement that needs to be balanced, you are in trouble already.
Myth #4 — Avoiding conflict will ruin your marriage. Sidestepping confrontation will not necessarily doom your relationship. Successful couples can have different styles of conflict. Some avoid fights at all costs. Some argue a lot. Some are able to work out differences without ever raising their voices. No one of these styles is “better” than the others, as long as your style works for both of you.
Myth #5 — Affairs are the root cause of divorce. In most cases, it is the other way around. About 80% of divorced men and women said their marriage broke up because they gradually grew apart and lost a sense of closeness, or because they did not feel loved and appreciated. Only about 20% of couples said an extramarital affair was even partially to blame.
Happy couples have a mutual understanding of each other on an emotional level. Couples who learn to become skilled at that will have a more resilient friendship and a closer couple relationship. Gottman Method Couples Therapy can help you do just that. It’s based on the 2 pillars of the Sound Relationship House, trust and commitment.
At the root of Gottman Method Couples Therapy is learning and living by seven principles of making marriage work. Learn how you can put these seven principles to work in your relationship:
1 – Enhance your love maps.
2 – Nurture your fondness and admiration.
3 – Turn toward each other instead of away.
4 – Let your partner influence you.
5 – Solve your solvable problems.
6 – Overcome gridlock.
7 – Create shared meaning.
Call or Text (208) 206-3860 for a consultation with Terri Fisher at Fireproof Counseling.
If you are thinking about getting married soon, you may be interested in some pre-marital counseling. It is a specific form of couples counseling. Start using the Gottman method now, because it is much easier to start out right. Work out potential issues now, instead of fixing them after getting married!
Read some other information about the Gottman method on my website:
Blog Post – Gottman Principle # 4: Let Your Partner Influence You
Blog Post – Gottman Principle # 7: Create Shared Meaning
Paper – Gottman Method Couples Therapy